I have a significant number of good friends who live in Memphis, many of whom attended the University of Memphis. None of them have a good thing to say about Tigers head football coach Ryan Silverfield, a man who has led the Tigers to a bowl game in each of his four seasons as top banana – including this year’s Liberty Bowl, which resulted in a 36-26 victory over Iowa and a 10 win season.

My Memphis brethren hates Silverfield anyway. I once dared to asked why, and was told that I could “never understand.”

Memphis basketball is a different story. My Bluff City Buddies love Penny Hardaway, a former Tiger himself and a coach who had guided Memphis to a 124-54 record over his five+ seasons as head honcho. Tigers fans tend to regard Memphis as an elite basketball school, pointing to their three Final Four appearances (two vacated) and nearly 30 NCAA tournament invitations.

This season, Memphis basketball is ranked 13th in the nation (at the time of this writing) and have victories over four top-25 opponents. They’re good. Really good. As a result, my Bluff City Buddies have engaged in peculiar fan behaviors: closely monitoring the records of teams to which they lost (it’s a strength-of-schedule thing), comparing themselves to blue-blood programs (my Bluff City Buddies are particularly focused on Kansas), and bemoaning the shortcomings of their own conference (admittedly, the American isn’t what it once was). Combined with their hatred for a 10-win football coach, this behavior is completely insufferable.

AND I LONG TO BE THEM.

Yes. YES! I want to be a smug, douchebag fan of Arkansas State. I mean, much more so than I am now. Why not? Is this not the goal? Since when has humility played a role in fandom? (It can even be argued that humility is a form of fan insufferability.) I long to engage in December discussions about NCAA Tournament seeding in December. I yearn to regard my P5 bowl opponent as an unworthy disappointment. More than anything, I want to weigh-in, unsolicited, on the strengths and weaknesses of distant programs.

It’s not like I haven’t been there. During Arkansas State’s three years of football domination (2011-2013), I was obnoxious as anyone, demanding that the Red Wolves crack the AP Top 25, dimly viewing the latest entries into the conference, and besmirching the integrity of anyone who dared deliver a less-than-glorious opinion of Arkansas State. Let me tell you, the sugar high of randomly informing a fan of another program that their shortcomings lie in special teams is for real, man.

The rest of the Sun Belt is not immune! Remember how arrogant Georgia Southern fans were when they arrived to the conference and found immediate success? Recall the toxic hubris of the Appalachian State faithful, the proud conceit of Troy, the arrogance of Georgia State basketball fans. The dismissive cheek of Texas State baseball! The current vanity of James Madison everything! Everybody but ULM has been there! We’ve all sipped from that golden chalice!

Embrace the insufferable. If you’re not insufferable now, pledge to be insufferable now. Find any excuse – solid soccer recruiting, good team APR scores, new volleyball scoreboard installation, anything. Be insufferable about something.

I promise, it feels good.

IMAGE: Something I arrogantly grabbed off the world wide web