Once again, Howlraiser turns to the foremost expert in all things Sun Belt football – Dr. Sebastian Krackbone (who is one-million percent definitely not me) – to answer the deepest, darkest inquires bubbling from our morose subconscious. Listen, if you don’t like the answers, take it up with Krackbone, not me. It’s Krackbone you want to pillory! Put Krackbone in chains!

Who Will Disappoint in the East?

All-world running back Marshall Ali is reportedly back at full strength, but Marshall was defined more by their defense last season, which ranked 8th nationally for total defense. Only four starters return to that defense this year, and there are some questions as to whether or not projected starting QB Cam Fancher (10 TDs, 6 INTs in 2022) is truly “Duh Man” to lead coach Charlie Huff’s offense. The Thundering Herd is predicted to finish first in the competitive Sun Belt East, and the front end of the schedule is extremely manageable. However, with the high expectations placed on Marshall, I (Dr. Sebastian Krackbone) foresee disappointment in Huntington.

Who Will Surprise in the East?

Georgia Southern finished 6-7 last season after running out of steam at season’s end, losing four of its last five games. Did the competition finally smell what Clay Helton was cooking in Statesboro? Maybe. While the Eagles’ new-look offense won’t take anyone by surprise this season, Helton’s gifted offensive line will continue protecting the QB – this time, its Davis Brin, transfer from Tulsa. I (Dr. Sebastian Krackbone) predict another terrific season from running back Jalen White and that Georgia Southern will be a legitimate player in the Sun Belt East.

Who Will Crater in the West?

The Sun Belt West will likely be a titan battle between South Alabama and defending champion Troy, but many view Southern Miss as a contender as well. And why not? Star running back Frank Gore Jr. is a certified beef battleship on the gridiron and young head coach Will Hall proved himself a talented tactician and motivator. However, there are reasons to furrow your brow in Hattiesburg. The Golden Eagles lost 3 of their last four conference matches last year, including a 42-14 black-glove slap against Georgia State. Additionally, Southern Miss loses three starters from its excellent secondary, and the QB position is unsettled between Clemson transfer Billy Wiles and Houston transfer Holman Edwards – neither of which played a snap in 2022. I (Dr. Sebastian Krackbone) can see a serious failure to meet expectations this season in Hattiesburg.

Who Will Unexpectedly Rise in the West?

Every year, Texas State is expected to do something in the Sun Belt West, and every season, the Bobcats fail to seize the moment. This season, the Bobcats open with Baylor and follow it up with a trip to UTSA – not an ideal debut set for new head coach GJ Kinne. But Kinne brought in a lot of experienced hands from Incarnate Word this off season, and he has talented but underused Arkansas transfer QB Malik Hornsby to lead his offense. If the Bobcats can emerge sufficiently quenched from two weeks in the fiery crucible of in-state competition, l (Dr. Sebastian Krackbone) predict that the Bobcats will be a tough out in San Marcos this season.

Will the Sun Belt Finally Earn the Respect of the Selection Committee?

Those guys can go eat a doorknob.

Dr. Sebastian Krackbone holds a PhD in cosmic psychology and served in the French Foreign Legion alongside Jean Claude Van Dam.