Thing is, some people like beets. And when you say that “beets suck,” you’re implying that people who like beets sort of suck, too. I didn’t intend to insult lovers of beets. I just don’t like beets. But a small fraction of people who like a good beet will remember your slander forever.

But let’s pretend these Power Five snobs decided to break away from the system that has nourished them to create a Super League. Who gets left out? Pitt? Colorado? West Virginia? Vanderbilt? Sure! But also Arkansas, Michigan State, Washington and Utah. Suddenly, those programs would feel the second-class distinction felt by a select group of programs.

Universities invite change, culture, exotic foreigners, weird art, spiritual awakenings, alcohol use, dancing, sexual experimentation, diversity, exposed abdomens, traffic, and a rainbow of criminal activities – drivers of growth both positive and painful that are at odds with Jonesboro’s unofficial charter of peace, quiet, and predictably. For decades, Arkansas State was viewed by many locals as a potential powder keg whose only purpose was to destroy the status quo. Jonesboro likes its quo.

After all, one of the things that actually worked for the Red Wolves in 2020 was the offense. In Heckendorf’s two years running the offense, A-State total offensive has ranked 26th and 33rd in the nation. In 2020, the Red Wolves ranked second in the nation for passing. This is with an offensive line that hasn’t really dominated and established a run game.

The Glory Days Conference has no divisions. They just randomly play each other, with each pointing to a victory over the other as ironclad proof of its Playoffs legitimacy. We’ll name somebody ridiculous to be conference commissioner – like Mack Brown. Design of the logo will bear a distinctly 1990s feel. As a preemptive action, we’ll secure separate TV rights for each team instead of a conference channel, because, you know, Texas.