If the famous movie adaptation of David Mamet’s Glengarry Glen Ross teaches us anything (aside from properly dropping an F-bomb), it’s that only sealers of the deal are worthy of coffee. “Get them to sign on the line that is dotted.” Sunday saw Sun Belt programs deprived of their morning joe and some rewarded a refill. South Alabama? No coffee. Appalachian State? Coffee. ULM? No coffee. Marshall? Coffee. Louisiana? Maybe a cup of decaf.
The Sun Belt made good its pledge to never lose to the FCS in Week 2, trouncing our lower-resourced friends by a combined score of 218-37. However, the Sun Belt remains winless against the P4, a knee to the groin that renders us all gasping in pain. Somebody needs to teach these guys a lesson in manners and humility.
Saturday, September 19
Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (1-1) @ Delaware Blue Hens (1-1), 10:30 AM, CBS Sports Network, -5.5 Blue Hens
Coastal bounced back the way one only can by playing Fordham in Week 2, drilling the lower-division opponent 45-7 while granting starting QB Deuce Bailey an opportunity to pad his TD totals by three. Delaware, recently of the FCS, dispatched their FCS foe in similar fashion in Week 1, then gave Vanderbilt plenty of indigestion during a 35-26 loss in Week 2. The Chants should be weary of Hens running back Jo Silver, a workhorse Delaware rides heavily, especially with its QBs having trouble avoiding picks.
OUTCOME: This feels like a Chanticleer upset to me
Louisiana Tech Bulldogs (1-1) @ Baylor Bears (1-1), 3:00 PM, ESPNU, -19.5 Bears
The Bulldogs attempted to defeat LSU on Saturday without using offense, and we respect the hell out of that. Anything that melts Lane Kiffen’s hair gel gets a thumbs-up from us. Sadly, coach Sonny Cumbie’s novel strategy faltered in the game’s second half, so he’ll likely try something else against Baylor, who took out their one-point loss to Auburn out on poor Prairie View last week. LaTech recorded -3 rushing yards against the Tigers. They’ll need to do a little better against Baylor.
OUTCOME: I don’t think Baylor deserves this big a spead
Southeast Louisiana Lions (1-2) @ ULM Warhawks (0-2), 3:30 PM, ESPN+, ODDS TO COME
For a time, it looked like the Warhawks were going to run-rule UAB behind swift-footed QB Austin Carlisle. ULM had a 20-10 advantage in the third quarter when suddenly the Blazers realized that Carlisle wasn’t likely to chance a pass, and when he did it was going to be a disaster. No coffee for ULM! But coach Bryant Vincent gets to do a little home brewing against the Lions, who already received a bad taste of the Sun Belt in a loss to South Alabama. Carlisle has promise behind center for ULM – and perhaps an FCS opponent will be just what the team needs to more facets of his game online.
OUTCOME: No way the Warhawks blow this. Right?
East Carolina Pirates (0-2) @ ODU Monarchs (1-1), 5:00 PM, ESPN+, -3 MONARCHS
Pirates have opted to walk the plank twice for the Sun Belt, which is fine by us. Last week, Appalachian State muscled a 27-24 victory over ECU, rendering the Pirates winless on the season. Meanwhile, the Monarchs absorbed a first-half pounding from Virginia Tech from which there was no recovery, which we suspect coach Ricky Rahne found quite vexing. We expect a rebound from ODU, provided that quarterback Quinn Henicle has survived the seven sacks he took to the Hokies.
OUTCOME: Vegas was, like, “the Mountaineers won by three, soooooo….”
Charlotte 49ers (0-2) @ Appalachian State Mountaineers (2-0), 5:00 PM, ESPN+, -17.5 MOUNTAINEERS
Charlotte was a terrific guest in Week 2, allowing Ole Miss to pound them 41-9 before a drunken rabble. This likely did little to improve the fragile confidence of the 49ers, who lost to the Citadel to open the season. On the opposite end of the spectrum is an undefeated Mountaineers team who seem to have found something solid in quarterback Malachi Singleton and a run game that can poke the ball into the end zone. It’s too early to declare a Return of the Mountaineers, but head coach Dowell Loggains seems to be getting a feel for his role as Boone’s favorite head football coach.
OUTCOME: It’s getting cocky in Boone
Marshall Thundering Herd (1-1) @ Missouri State Bears (1-1), 5:30 PM, CBS Sports Network, -3.5 HERD
As we predicted, the Herd’s triumph over Middle Tennessee State wasn’t exactly thundering in Week 2. Marshall required a “teammate fumble recovery” by Xayvion Turner-Bradshaw to provide the go-ahead touchdown, which doesn’t exactly scream confidence in Tony Gibson’s green-clad crew. Once again, SBC Preseason Offensive Player of the Year Carlos Del Rio-Wilson provided a mortal’s performance, frequently being subbed for back-ups. On the flip side, after getting roasted 50-0 by Texas A7M, the Bears put up bully numbers on Lindenwood to put a notchin the win column.
OUTCOME: Thunder rumbles somewhat rumblier on Saturday
Troy Trojans (2-0) @ #20 Missouri Tigers (2-0), 6:00 PM, SEC Network, -26.5 TIGERS
Whatever you do, Trojans, DO NOT draw any connections between the University of Missouri and our nation’s shameful engagement in the slave trade. That just makes head coach Eli Drinkwitz angry. Instead, focus on tightening up that run defense, get some receivers open for Goose Crowder, and give Jaheim Merriweather the rock at every opportunity. DM me for additional football strategies.
OUTCOME: Counting on the Tigers to be too indignant to destroy Troy
Georgia State Panthers (2-0) @ UCF Knights (1-1), 6:00 PM, ESPN+, -18.5 Knights
Don’t pretend you expected to see “(2-0)” next to the Panthers’ name, because none of us (including you) are fools! Georgia State dusted Kennesaw State without mercy on Saturday behind Cameran Brown’s 310 yards of offense and running back Lanear McCrary’s 101 yard day. Yes, yes, you’re wondering if Georgia State is actually back or just maxing on protien powder for a hated in-state rival. The Panthers will have their truth revealed against UCF, who just absorbed a bizarre 12-7 setback against Pitt. Who loses 12 to 7?
OUTCOME: Disney ending for the Panthers? Why not?
UCONN Huskies (1-1) @ Southern Miss Golden Eagles (1-1), 6:00 PM, ESPN+, -3 Huskies
Southern Miss discovered that Auburn wasn’t Alcorn State on Saturday, taking a 43-8 loss on the chin to the Tigers. Now they get an opponent who lies somewhere in-between – a Huskies team that played a competitive first half against Maryland before running out of ideas. UCONN QB Kalieb Osborne is a duel threat that will provide Blake Anderson’s defense plenty of aggravation, but at least Dusty Zimmer’s leg is warm after deliver six punts to the Tigers.
OUTCOME: Vegas gives UCONN the 3-point home discount, and so shall we.
Ohio Bobcats (1-1) @ South Alabama Jaguars (1-1), 6:00 PM, ESPN+, -4.5 JAGUARS
The Jags were so close to coffee, head coach Major Applewhite’s breath smelled like Guatemala. Sadly, the Jags defense couldn’t find the brake pedal for Green Wave running back Jaylin Lucas, wasting an excellent performance from South Bama QB Bishop Davenport (346 total yards, two passing TDs). Now the Jaguars get the Ohio Bobcats, who just took down Jax State 29-27 in three overtimes. The experience of Davenport should be the decider over the Ohio’s merry-go-round QB situation.
OUTCOME: Applewhite sips deep from the coffee urn of victory
Georgia Southern Eagles (1-1) @ Jacksonville State Gamecocks (1-2), 6:00 PM, ESPN+, -3 Gamecocks
Time is a circle, and we’re circling back to Jax State after just mentioning them in the previous preview. The Gamecocks come off an exhausting loss to Ohio just to host the Eagles, who didn’t acquit themselves poorly against Clemson and an oddly monikered coach fighting for his life. In Week 2, Eagles quarterback Max Johnson labored to complete 27/47 passes for 244 yards and a touchdown against Clemson’s handsomely compensated defense. Johnson may not find Jax State’s pass defense any softer – the Gamecocks slams a lid on the passing game. If Clay Helton has a run game, Week 3 might be the time to uncage it.
OUTCOME: Gamecocks could very well be too crushed of spirit to beat the Eagles
Arkansas State Red Wolves (1-1) @ TCU Horned Frogs (1-1), 7:00 PM, ESPNU, -20.5 Frogs
After losing a cage match to the Memphis Tigers in Week 1, the Red Wolves took out their frustrations on West Georgia, blasting the newly minted FCS program 52-7 behind a lot of defensive takeaways. According to the Texan telegraph station, TCU lost to North Carolina and Bill Belichek 15-10, but found their scoring stroke against Grambling a week later, crushing the Tigers 63-7. Arkansas State will need to put the leg irons on Jeremy Payne and his criminally insane run game if they want to come out of Texas with a win.
OUTCOME: This game should be closer than the spread suggests
UAB Blazers (1-1) @ Louisiana Ragin’ Cajuns (1-1), 7:00 PM, ESPN+, -7.5 CAJUNS
The Sun Belt is a notoriously poor performer when playing west coast opponents in the Pacific time zone, but the Cajuns demonstrated their qualities in a 49-30 loss to #14 USC. Lunch Winfield totaled three touchdowns – two on the ground – and has proven himself a dangerous quarterback. On the other side of the field, the Blazers had their issues in grinding out a comeback win over ULM (I believe we mentioned it earlier), and the Cajuns under Mike Desormeaux are much further along than Vincent’s Warhawks.
OUTCOME: Lunch eats the Blazers lunch
James Madison Dukes (2-0) @ San Diego State Aztecs (1-1), 9:00 PM, CW Network, -2.5 Aztecs
Sometime between Flash and The Vampire Diaries, the CW Network is airing one of the more intriguing games of the Week 3. The Aztecs have just suffered a loss to UCLA and former Dukes head coach Bob Chesney thanks to three touchdowns from former Duke running back Wayne Knight. Now they get to face the actual Dukes, who make that west coast trip that notoriously saps the chi out of Sun Belt programs. (Didn’t we just mention this?) Did JMU exhaust themselves unnecessarily by putting up 87 points on Wagner? Probably not. But you have to hope running back George Pettaway saved a few scores for SDS.
OUTCOME: Dukes continue to get fat
IMAGE: SUN BELT MEDIA