There is no college football rivalry more heated, more sprinkled with venom, more peppered with disdain, than Arkansas State versus Texas “I Hate You” State.

The Bobcats are unadulterated evil distilled from from the moldy under-boob sweat of 1,000 lessor-demons. They are sorry’s sad source; Satan’s surprise! They are the cranberry sauce on every plate for Thanksgiving dinner. They’re the final tortured season of Perfect Strangers. Texas State orders a $27 glass of pinot noir and spoils it with an ice cube.

That’s Texas State, the sworn hated, loathed and despised arch nemesis of the Red Wolves. Out, vile jelly! Hold me back, Red Wolves fans! Don’t allow my burning passions to become criminal at the mere thought of San Marcos and their lazy rivers and ceremonial keg tappings. A pox upon you, bros and Bobcats!

Red Wolves versus Bobcats is so toxic, that it was removed from the gentle confines of ESPN+ and re-released on ESPNU to a nation unaccustomed to such potent rancor. He hates him That would upon the rack of this tough world Stretch him out longer. Tune into Ohio State vs Indiana if your bellies be weak!

I thumb thy nose at you, Spirit of Tyler Jones! May the ghost of Dennis Franchione haunt your gridiron forever. I shall watch tomorrow’s game as though my soul was on the line, as will you.