Full disclosure: this is the kind of column you post when you’re fishing for clicks. You will likely see dozens of takes just like this before, now and after mine. The only difference here: this column features all my trademark moxie.
WINNER: The Sun Belt East
If the projected landing spots for Marshall, Old Dominion, and James Madison come to fruition, it’s the SBC East that gets the majority of the new blood in the Sun Belt. Appalachian State is especially fortunate, adding Marshall to its queue of hate rivals.
LOSER: Sun Belt Defectors
Middle Tennessee, FIU, and Western Kentucky could wait to dump the Sun Belt ten years ago. Now they’re left with the prospect of calling Kennesaw State “conference brother” as the Sun Belt soars in fortune and prominence. Sorries felt? ZERO.
WINNER: The Mountain West
Mike Aresco and the American, cocky as ever, fully expected to pry some name brands from the Mountain West, only to have those name brands tell Mike, “Nope, we good.” That left the AAC scrambling to regain some dignity by bullying the CUSA out of six programs. Meanwhile, the MWC continues to remain “at the PEAK” of the G5.
LOSER: Begging for the Mercy That Will Not Be Granted
Sensing that Thanos was near, Conference USA commissioner Judy MacLeod issued a novel defense: pleading for mercy!
Commissioner MacLeod basically recommended the same course of action I proposed for the Sun Belt – consolidate power of both conferences to create a new conference based on geographic considerations. That sounds like a great idea! The American pretty much responded with, “May we dance with your dates?” and took what they wanted.
Winner: Pretending to Be Invisible
While most conferences made as much noise as humanly possible during the Expansion War, the MAC elected to hold its breath and blend into the scenery. The result? Nothing given, nothing gained. The MAC continues to rule the Tundra as Kings of the North.
LOSER: Louisiana Tech
The Bulldogs, who infamously trashing the Sun Belt a few seasons ago, is left wandering the Earth like Kane, getting into adventures and maybe signing a home-and-home with UMass. The lesson to be taken here is NEVER BESMIRCH THE SUN BELT.
LOSER: Power 6
Ironically, Mike Aresco pushed “Power 6” with such brazen intensity that the Big 12 actually believed it – and took Mike’s best stuff as a result. What should have been a breakout year for the American, which sees one of its members making a real push for a legit Playoff spot, is now home toe North Texas and FAU. [Polite golf clap] Don’t forget, it was the Big 12 who accused the American and ESPN for hatching a conspiracy to poach the Big 12!
Winner: The F***ing SEC
Thanks so much, SEC, for tossing a fart grenade in what was a fairly harmonious college football community. The SEC grabs two big brands for itself, demolishing the Big 12, the American, and Conference USA in the process. SEC, you are destroyer of worlds.
Photo Credit: SBC media, edit my own
Howlraiser 