Lord Denim Man, Master of Your Heavenly Domain, Seated on Your Infinite Steel Throne, pass thy judgment on these wretched Red Wolves.
Did you take a dim view of this grim tragedy played at your sneaker-clad feet? What ignited the thunder to your bushy brow? Inscribe these egregious transgressions into your Book of Guilt. I shall guide your hand!
The missed 39-yard field goal – Clune Van Andel’s fifth miss-fire at Centennial Bank Stadium.
The 268 rushing yards allowed to the the Sun Belt’s second-worst offense.
The total of three points scored by the Red Wolves offense in the second half – against the SBC’s worst defense.
ULM’s two fourth down conversions deep in its own territory – an insult that would have fired up any normal team.
Going three and out after a pick and sideline fisticuffs – which wold have fired up and normal team.
Throwing deep in double coverage to the team’s smallest wide receiver when only ten yards was needed to attempt a game winning field goal.
Losing to the Cajuns and Warhawks in consecutive years, perhaps the most damning of trangressions.
Are the crimes psychological, Lord Denim Man? Assist our understanding! Was it the ever present confusion of the defense when ULM line up on fourth down? Was it the sheer flatness of an offense that had a bye week to prepare for the Sun Belt’s worst team? Did there seem to be an alarming lack of focus and purpose for an opponent that had embarrassed the program last season? Why, Lord Denim Man, did every Red Wolves possession seem as difficult as any Trial of Hercules?
What is thy verdict, Lord Denim Man? Surely the guilty cannot go unpunished. Will these crimes be met with justice or silence? We place our fate in your hands.
IMAGE: Something I clicked while watching the horror unfold