Surprise! Every Sun Belt Football Coach is Ted from “Stranger Things.”

Do you watch “Stranger Things?” I have two teenage sons, so of course I watch “Stranger Things” and I’m not embarrassed to admit that I like the show. Does the program represent anything close to approximating my 1980s childhood? I can’t say it does, as there are too few references to Kenny Loggins and Knight Rider to be considered an accurate portrayal of 1980s culture, but it’ll do.

On the Twitter, I hinted that I’d produce some June Content around “Sun Belt Coaches as Stranger Things Characters” but quite frankly, few characters in “Stranger Things” really rise to Sun Belt Football Coach stature. The characters are too expressive, too ADD, too dorky, and too grounded into Dungeons and Dragons mythology to be adequately compared. Honestly, the only Sun Belt coach who could be a “Stranger Things” character is Hugh Freeze.

However, there is one “Stranger Things” character who is every Sun Belt football coach: Ted, Mike’s perpetually unplugged Dad. This is not an insult. Ted is secretly the best character in “Stranger Things” and deserves a spin-off when the series ends. I’d totally watch a 6-episode Ted origin story. When did he buy that recliner? Where does he work? Does he even know how many children he has?

“This is our government. They’re on our side…”

Like most Sun Belt coaches, Ted respects the grind and trusts the process. He isn’t going to waste valuable brain waves exploring alternative narratives. He’s got other fish to fry.

“What’d I do… What’d I doooooo?

Sun Belt football coaches are no different than all college football coaches – they’re so busy keeping it real that they are rarely even aware that the shit has hit the fan. It’s not Ted’s fault that the chicken parmesan is so delicious. I’m just here for the Xs and Os! I can’t be there when Jimmy chugging beer on top of a speeding bus.

“Go ahead. Eat us out of house and home.”

NIL is a Sun Belt coach’s favorite topic. LOL! They hate it! So would Ted, were he a Sun Belt football coach and not the star of “Stranger Things.”

Consider this obligation met.

PHOTO CREDIT: Shameless stolen from Google. Please refer all complaints to my lawyer.